Only The Lonely
by JessRosser
Summary: Canon until NewMoon- Bella Swan has been a vampire for 17 years, traveling with her best friend, Victoria. She has avoided any reminders of her past, and let herself be free, and confident. What will happen when she keeps spotting a familiar face? Which of course, she promptly hides from. Has he caught on? Has even noticed her? Does he even care? AU JasperxBella VictoriaxGarrett-M
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Here I go, starting something new and fresh. **

**This will eventually be a JasperxBella story. I don't entend on updating this often, my other stories come first, but I've had this saved on my computer for a few months. **

**The next chapter will be Jasper's Preface. This will be told in equal amounts Jasper and Bella POV**

**My heart is broke**

**But I have some glue**

**Help me inhale**

**And mend it with you**

**We'll float around**

**And hang out on clouds**

**Then we'll come down**

**-Dumb- Nirvana**

**Preface- semi journal style. **

Why the fuck is all this happening now? After so long I've escaped it. I guess I should start from the beginning.

I was born in 1978, to the frightened parents, Charlie and Renée Swan. They were only eighteen, having married the moment both were legally able. It was the seventies, they were young, and had high hopes and dreams. I was not planned, and I was not wanted. Seems like that described my life perfectly. My mother left my father when I was six months old, taking me with her to start over. We started over, and over, living in six cities before I even hit double digits. I wondered why she just didn't leave me too, but I think, Renée was just to frightened to actually be alone.

She found her place in Arizona, she loved the sun, and I did too. Even though she had a job, and Charlie sent money, we lived in a tiny apartment. Renée spent the money quicker than water spilling to the floor when filled in a broken glass. I finally started balancing the money, and making a budget when I was twelve or so. We even were able to afford a house. I hadn't lived in one, besides the summers I spent with Charlie.

Summers with my Dad were great, Renée would always ship me off for two months, while she did whatever it was she did. My Dad would always do whatever I wanted, and take care of me. I cherished the time I spent there, and cried every time I had to leave. Leave the stable happy home, that was only me and Dad, but that was all I wanted. It had no gunshots in the background, no leery men walking in your living room, and no needles on the floor to avoid stepping on. When I went back to Renée, I would come back to a filthy home or no home at all, and an ill mother who couldn't stand straight.

I wrote down everything, and I still do to this day. I write my feelings, to let someone know, even if it's just the paper. I started writing poetry when I was thirteen or so, then I moved on to writing lyrics. I fell in love with Kurt Cobain, and I was convinced I would marry him one day.

That was until, she met Phil. He had looks, he had youth, and he had money. Everything Mom wanted, and Phil apparently saw everything he wanted in her. Besides a fourteen year old daughter. So, I got what I wanted, I got to live with my Dad. I got to leave her behind, praying she would survive. Then she brought me to the airport, and told me she loved me, that I could call her anytime. But that wasn't true, because I never heard from her again. No mail, no calls, no visits. She dropped from the planet. I cried, and I mourned her, and I felt shame. Shame for feeling relief that she was gone from my life.

It was sophomore year when they came, I had just turned sixteen. My father had just remarried to his true highschool sweet heart who had lost her husband a few years back. She had two kid's, Leah, who was a year older than me, and Seth who was only nine. I loved Sue like a mother, and her kids as the siblings I never had. My life was starting to get really wonderful.

They were the new people now, and I lost my shine, that I had never wanted. Five stunning people, inhumanly attractive, and pale. They said they were from Alaska, they said they were adopted by the new doctor and his wife. He was my lab partner, and he nearly killed me. I guess he couldn't get me out of his head, because he returned from his week-long absence.

How quickly I discovered what they were, I guess you could find anything when you have enough determination. I wish I would have never asked my childhood friend to tell me a scary story. I wish I would have never fell in love with his golden eyes and bronze hair. I wish I would have never believed a word from his mouth. I wish I could have hated his family. I wish I could have done alot of things different. But I didn't.

Instead I listened to his words, and basked in his 'love'. For I had never felt it before, and it was new, and it was shiny. But not everything that is shiny, is a diamond. I let him call me words like 'darling', 'love' and 'mate.' I listened to her tell me I was unexpected, but that they were extremely happy to have me. She told me we were going to be best friends, she told me she saw me as one of them. I even let him hold me when I heard the news of Kurt Cobain dying. I cried for days. I should have known he wasn't for me the moment he said Nirvana was just 'okay', and on the second day, when he said you didn't even know him. But I didn't. For a few moments, we all had happiness.

Then at a family baseball game, we were attacked. We ran, I was stupid, but we won. He sucked the venom out, and this was when I learned I was unwanted. I didn't understand, if I was his 'mate' wouldn't he want me to be with him forever?

It was only months later, when a fateful seventeenth birthday party shattered my world. Ironcally, the first vampire I had ever seen, was the one to nearly kill me. It was in the lunchroom, before bio, that I smacked into Jasper Hale's chest. A friend had talked my ear off, and kept saying to look at her when she talked. Being accident prone me, I soon met his cold chest. I still remember the blackness of his eyes, and the slow smirk that spread out on his oddly red tinted lips. My first thought was _I bet that's how the devil looks._ I still don't know why I thought it, but I did.

Jasper had a past that I still didn't know, all Edward ever said was that he had a much different upbringing that the rest of them. Things that I needn't know about. Jasper's control was the weakest of the Cullen's because of it, and his power. His power to feel emotions, and change them. So when I got a paper cut.. Things got shitty for me.

Edward brought truth to my wayward thoughts, and voiced how unwanted I exactly was to him. He left me alone in the middle of the woods. Like a piece of trash, and I felt like it. I felt like I was _nothing. _Like I was just a pet for him to play with, unworthy of his greatness.

But then I was suddenly taken. Cold arms were around me, and the world was blaring past me. I thought he had came back for me, but I soon realized the person was far to thin. I don't know how long had past before the person holding me stopped, setting me down, to where I promptly fell to the ground.

"Who are you?" My voice was raspy from my screaming, and my bones ached, feeling hollow and weak. I tried to stand, holding on to a beam in the middle of the room. I looked weakly around, the room was actually an abandoned factory.

"_Why did he leave you_?" She was instantly standing in front of me. Wild red hair, matching eyes, and leather jacket. _Victoria. _I inhaled sharply, stumbling.

"I don't know." I shook my head, trying to calm my breathing.

"A mate doesn't say those words.. I came back, to tell you all that I was sorry.." She scoffed, shaking her wild red hair. " I had thought I was going to kill you all at one point. For you killing my mate, but then I went to visit Laurent.. He and the gold-eyed girl are so happy, so in love, and he cherishes her. He would never leave her, never. Neither would the other couple there. Nor would they say horrible words like the boy did to you.. Or James ever said to me." She looked away, her bottom lip quivering, and her eyes were glossy. I took deep breaths, realizing that what this woman said was right. Hadn't I always thought that his words where lies, but I wanted so badly for them to be truth?

"I never thought he could love someone like me." I said softly. Her head whipped back around, her features harder than before and I felt a spike of fear.

"Someone like you? Your a human who lives in the company of vampires, a human who willing would sacrifice herself to save her mother. What do you think your not pretty? You are, your gorgeous babe. You just need to grow up, and realize it. Good thing I'm here." I frowned, standing a bit straighter. She held her chin up higher, and crossed her arms.

"Good thing your here?" My eyebrows must have been up to my hair-line.

"Yeah. We're going to learn to get better men together." She straightened her back, moving her hands to her hips. I laughed.

"Are you saying you want to be friends? I don't want anything to do with men right now." She nodded.

"Yes to both. We gotta go though, got to find a car." She walked past me, and I caught her arm. This woman was clearly insane, but hell, so was I.

"I can't leave Forks, not at seventeen. I have to graduate at least. I can't leave my Dad."

"Why? Why would you want to stay there? We can travel the world, do anything you want, and when your ready I'll turn you."

"Wha-what?"

"Didn't you hear me?" She asked, confused.

"I heard you, but you'd... You'd turn me?"

"Yes of course. I used to play a little loose with the law, but I don't break that one."

"Laws?" _They are the Volturi, sort of like our royalty, and police I guess. _She sighed.

"There are three laws. One, never turn a child. Two, do not create to many vampires or over feeding, which is basically the same thing. Three, never tell humans what you are, and if you do kill them, or turn them. I don't want to kill you, I want you as a friend."

"Why though?" I asked, completely puzzled.

"You remind me of someone. And us girls need to stick together." She smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back. Something about her was familiar, and exciting all at the same time.

My world changed completely from then on. I grew closer to Victoria than Alice and I ever were. We got over our loss together, and plotted evil doings late at night. I had convinced Victoria to try feeding from animals, and when she told me how nasty it was, I mentioned the idea of only killing criminals. It made more sense than killing so many animals a week, then killing one human every two. One human that no one would miss, and that didn't deserve to be living. She even enrolled at Forks High to keep me company. Laurent had given her the contact number for fake documents.

Victoria was leather, rock music, fiery hair, and brass language. She spoke her mind, and was proud of herself. She was free, and she rubbed off on me. Victoria was the oldest vampire I had ever met, but she had a spark of youth in her like no other. She was born in the 1550s in England. Eighteen years later, her sister Anne, turned her. She told her story one night, of how she was just a poor maid girl, of how men had always used her and her sister. Anne disappeared when Victoria was thirteen, to return five years later as a vampire. She brought her back to four other female vampires, and they lived happily for many years. She told me that we had the same shade of mahogany hair, and rosy cheeks.

Anne was killed when the Volturi came for the coven of women, accusing them of drawing to much attention to themselves. Victoria managed to escape, but admitted she regretted leaving her every single day. She told me she always got feelings when danger was near, and her flight instincts always kicked in so hard she couldn't control herself. "It's like a pull, and I can't stop myself, even if I want too." She had said.

In my last year as a human, I was the best daughter I could have been, and lived the best I could with what I was given. I knew Charlie would miss me, but I also knew leaving him was saving him. Victoria explained, that if Charlie even had the slightest suspicions about her or me, the Volturi wouldn't hesitate to kill him. I couldn't risk my father , or Sue or my brother and sister. I knew to much, and the choices I had made had already set the motions in place.

I graduated at the top of my class, and had to make a speech. It was embarrassing, but I managed to keep my head held high. I even dated a boy, and fell in love with him. The kind of love that you thought was nice, not the kind that consumed your being. It was the sort of love I should have expeiranced in high school. For my short life, I think I lived it well for what I was given.

So when I left for 'traveling' Victoria took me away to Canada to turn me. The burn was... the worst thing in my entire life. It spread threw my veins like a wildfire, and my lungs hurt from my screams. Victoria couldn't calm me for very long, but when I was silent, she would tell me stories. Stories I had told her about my human life late at night. She didn't mention a single thing about the vampires I had met before, and I was thankful for it. For when I woke only rough memories remained of them. Blurred images, and things that screamed _don't go there. _ All of the bad things in my life seemed to be harder to touch, and I had nothing but possiblities, and places to see.

_**I still love Kurt Cobain though. **_It's been seventeen years since I died. Victoria and I have come a long way, we're living in New York now. We haven't been here for very long, only a few months. I never again spoke to my human family again, and I never looked back on my life. The possessions I had brought with me were few, all of my clothes were gone now, besides the most important ones. My Nirvana shirts. I never wore them anymore, they were too precious. I had one photo album, that I hadn't opened, and my cassettes, my books, a few pieces of jelewery.

Vicky and I had, for the first few years of my life, hunted, and took the money of victims. A few times we even robbed a wealthy man, but for good reason of course. He didn't need it, we did, and he was cheating on his wife. Perfectly good reasons. After awhile my head started telling me that was wrong though. So we got paper work, and made identity for our selves. Living a year in a town, working common jobs, and then moving on. Over all the cities, and all the towns, we had never ran into the Cullens, not once.

Friendly nomads, and the like, of course. Victoria had even formed an on again off again relationship with one. Garrett, he was sexy as hell, but had never had eyes for me. Only her, but there denial and the insistence that they didn't need anyone kept pushing them apart. They had fun about though, us running, and him having a go at trying to find us. He always did, and Vicky always left a trail for him. Thinking I didn't notice of course.

So why, after all this time, did we have to run into them here?

Well one, to be honest. I was walking home from work, just bounding the corner when. It was twilight, of course it was twilight, and there he was. Leaning against a wall, outside of a bar, taking a drag off of a cigarette, was the devil himself. I wouldn't have recognized him, not if my first and last encounter with him hadn't been as.. Impression leaving as it was. He was in all black, and he wore a hat, but it was him. A small growl rose from my throat, I didn't know why exactly, but it did, and his head shot in my direction, and I. I ran, slamming my back against the brick wall of the nearest building.

He didn't come though.. He didn't search for me or anything, and I was.. I was a little disappointed.

What is wrong with me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Wow! Totally stoked with the number of reviews I've gotten, thank you guys so much. Like I said, here's the preface from Jasper's point of view.**

**Disclaimer: I own known of the lyrics, or the twilight saga. If I did things would of never happened the way they did. **

_**Jasper:**_

_**And scars are souvenirs you never lose**_

_**The past is never far **_

_**Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?**_

_**Did you get to be a star?**_

_**And don't it make you sad to know that life**_

_**Is more than who we are**_

_**-Name- Goo Goo Dolls**_

It was September thirteenth, 1995. An average Wednesday to the rest of the world, but not to us. Today was supposed to be a good day. It was Isabella Swan's seventeenth birthday. The first real birthday in many, many years. Everyone was in a good mood.

It had started out good, kisses from my wife before she went to the school with Edward. Esmé happily decorating the house hours in advance, her outloud musings if the human girl would like the cake. Would she like her presents, Alice should of gotten purple not pink. She and I were the only ones here. Emmett and Rosalie were still on their way home, but would be here for Bella's birthday party. And like always, Carlisle was at work.

I was feeling mildly awkward about being here tonight, from the moment I had first seen the girl there was something about her that sparked to much interest. I didn't know anything about her, besides bare basics, and what I had observed from afar. She was shy, and fragile, but something about her eyes told me she knew more, and had alot more to say than she ever actually spoke. She always had her tote that held a notebook, and her walkman, cassettes, and other random little objects. She wrote in the book when Edward decided he was going to play the piano, or any other time she was left alone.

The first moment I met her she ran into me, and I couldn't stop myself from grinning. She was beautiful in a unconvintional way, with her dark cloths, many layers, and black eyeliner. Hair always in her face, and the blood that rushed to her cheeks when she was embarrassed. She was terribly embarrassed when she literally ran into me, but when she looked me over I instantly knew she found me attractive. I didn't need my gift to realise that, but that certain spark of dark desire was never angled at another male. Not even Edward, and it made me feel awkward, uncertain and shy.

_Shy. _I wasn't shy. I was sure of myself, and able to be a leader when no one else could, I was a shy teenage boy. Of course I found myself in a world of pain and shame about the noticing of her, but I quickly blocked my thoughts by thinking of 'killing' a girl. Best think about murder when it's always expected of you. I sighed. I was so terribly tired of everyone. I strummed on the guitar in my hands softly. Name by the Goo Goo Dolls was on the top of the rock charts, while Micheal Jackson was on the pop leader board. Music had changed over the years, and I liked each and everyone one of them. Songs were life. I was just complete shit about lyrics though.

I wasn't supposed to get Bella anything, but I had picked up on something. The tips of her fingers had old marks. They weren't soft, and lovely like a normal human girls were, they were the hands of a guitar player, a worker at the very least. She always had pencil graphite on her pale hands too. So I decided to give her a guitar. It was a wild guess, but if she didn't know how to play, I could teach her one day. If Edward would even allow me too.

"Esmé?" I asked my fingers pausing momentarily.

"Yes Jasper?" She fluttered over to the couch instantly, roses in her arms.

"Do you think it's nessary for me to be here tonight? I just feel uneasy about the whole thing." And there was an open mic night at a bar in Seattle.

"Jasper.. I know you don't feel comfortable around Bella, but you are a part of this family. Theres no reason why you shouldn't be here. Everything will be great." She patted my shoulder, and when back to working. My head hit the back of the couch as I sighed. There really wasn't any reason to be worrying anymore, Alice had assured everything would go wonderfully. I didn't want to spoil the good day by making a fuss over things.

But it really wasn't.

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**Consider this  
Consider this, the hint of the century  
Consider this, the slip  
That brought me to my knees, failed  
What if all these fantasies come  
Flailing around  
Now I've said too much-**

**Loosing my Religion- R.E.M.**

_"I should of known from the biggining. You don't belong here Jasper. You never have." Alice's short hair was wet, and her make up was running. It almost looked like she was crying, though that ability was burned away long ago. _

_"Alice-"_

_"No, don't. Your not my mate. We both have known that for quite some time. I love you Jasper, but your not mine to love, and I can't handle you anymore. I don't love you enough, I guess. I wish I could love you better, wish I could be someone who isn't pushy or someone who is more excepting of you. But that isn't me. It's best we go our seperate ways." My breathing was raggeded, my hair falling into my eyes. It had started raining horribly the moment I ran from the house. _

_The house were I nearly killed the only human that ever sparked a bit of interest in me. _

_"I can't loose you Alice. I don't know what I'll do, or where I'll go. Alice what if I-"_

_"Thats your cross to bare Jasper. Your life is in your hands, and your mind choices your course. I see a good future for you, and that's why I have to let you go now. It's not with me. Pack your things with us, then go where you want." She turned on her heel, mud covering her delicate shoes. Then she was gone, and I fell to my knees. _

_I roared, slamming my fists into the earth. _

_I never did get to give Bella her guitar, I wanted to give it to her when we were alone. _

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Over the next few years I did what she said. I set my own path to my future. I spent time with Peter and Charlotte after I got the rage out of my system. The rage and depression. During that time I went from bar, to bar, singing and playing my guitar. Drinking, and smoking, and finding random female nomads to forget. I didn't spend more than a year at a single time with Peter and Charlotte, they needed there own space and didn't have time for a depressed sire to be hanging around them. I thought many times about visiting Bella, but the very last conversation with Alice told me to never revisit her. I thought it was best not to, let her have a human life that none of us ever could and Charlotte were the only family I had now. I had friends of course, but no longer quite the large family I had before. All ties had been cut with the Cullen's, and I never looked back, just like they never looked for me.

My diet had changed slightly. Picking up the occasional criminal, instead of animals. I still hunted animals though, but not deer, only predators. I didn't fall into a depression like I did before Alice, I was already in one. It wasn't really depression anymore, it was more like.. Numb. I was frozen in more ways than one. Fuck I'm such an Emo. It's been seventeen fucking years since that day and I'm still dwelling on it. I took another drink of my scotch, before pulling out a ciggerette. Contrary to popular belief, alchohal and cigerattes worked on a vampire. We were practically all blood, it effected out systems the same. I raised the lighter, before the bartender starting shaking her head rapidly.

"Not in here. Theres laws about that. Gotta go outside." I sighed, finished my drink, paid the tab and went out to lean against the alley wall. The night was still very young, and I didn't intent on leaving just yet. This was New York, I hadn't been here in a long time, and I was looking forward to the nightlife.

I took a drag from my _Lucky Styke, _and heard the distinct sound of a vampire growl. My head instandly whipped to the point of the sound. I caught it just in time to see a few locks of dark hair, nearly black, dart away. _Hmm.._ Curious. Clearly a female, unless the dude had some wicked long hippie hair. But it didn't hold my attention enough to put out my cig. I liked the way it heated me, and the smoke felt good on my tongue.

"Jasper?" I coughed, eyes wide as I saw the past before me. Same below the ears brown hair, and slight beard, and wild red eyes.

"Garrett! What are you doing here?" I had met Garrett after I left the southern wars, instantly becoming great pal's. Even Peter liked him.

"Following a girl. You wouldn't believe this chick man!" I shook my head, and gave him a manly hug, which was quickly broken.

"You? Following a chick?" I put out my ciggerette, as he patted my shoulder.

"You wouldn't believe this woman. Such a wild thing. She's got a friend!" He elbowed my side as I shook my head no.

"Wanna get a drink? You can tell me all about her."

"The friend, or my Vic?" I laughed.

"Both."

**AN: Sorry this was short, but a real chapter will be posted next week to make up for it. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Thats for the reviews! Here's the first real chapter. Mind the headings to know which POV it is in. :) Even Bella, odd Jasper. Possibly some Victoria's or Garrett. **

**Rachelle Leferve is my Victoria. **

**DISCLAIMER (last/only): All recognizable characters are not mine, but an OC's featured in this story are in fact mine, and if you like the/wish to use them, PM me. The plot line is also mine, and please don't use. All lyrics/songs/artists featured in this story are not owned by me, if so I think I wouldn't be leaving in a one bedroom apt. :) Also any poetry used ever in this story, I have no rights to at all. Free use!**

**Oh, and I used the name of the night club in **_**The Mortal Insturments. **_**Don't belong to me!**

**Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you**

**When you think everything's okay and everything's going right**

**And life has a funny way of helping you out when**

**You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up**

**In your face**

**Ironic- Alanis Morissette **

**Bella:**

_ It was twilight, of course it was twilight, and there he was. Leaning against a wall, outside of a bar, taking a drag off of a cigarette, was the devil himself. I wouldn't have recognized him, not if my first and last encounter with him hadn't been as.. Impression leaving as it was. He was in all black, and he wore a hat, but it was him. A small growl rose from my throat, I didn't know why exactly, but it did, and his head shot in my direction, and I. I ran, slamming my back against the brick wall of the nearest building._

I took the long way away from him, as fast as I possibly could to get back to Vicky and I's home. We lived in a two bedroom apartment in the Lower East Side. Other than our rooms, and the bathroom, the whole place was wide open space. The concrete floor was splattered with rugs of different colors, and paint spills. Victoria liked to paint, and she thought maybe she could even get something of her's put in a gallery why we were here.

"_VICKY_!" I slammed the door shut, and tossed my purse on the stand by the door. Victoria came sliding in front of me in her fuzzy socks.

"What Boo?"

"I just saw a _Cullen_ outside of that club, Pandemonium. "

"_What?"_ She screeched out. "No! That can't be right. Did they see you?"

"Only one. And no, he didn't."

"Which one?" She crossed her arms, and started to pace the room with me.

"Jasper Hale. It was him. I know it. He was smoking outside of it. I didn't catch a good look really, I just freaked out and ran. But I know it was him. A gut thing, you know." She nodded before grabbing my arm and pulling me into a hug.

"Just avoid him. This is a big city, and maybe he's alone? Besides you could just throw him across the room you know."

"_She_ has to be with him. Where she is, they all follow, and he is always with her. I've never seen him without her." I didn't hug her back, my mind was racing, and I was slipping into a panic attack. My breathing was heavy, and I couldn't stop the thoughts from rushing around in my head. So many thoughts. _So many."_I know I could, but I don't want to deal with them Vic." My gift had been something strange, no ones power worked on me for one thing.

Every nomad we came across, anyone that had a gift always looked at me funny. Like one girl, the one time I got very close to the Cullen's, the Denali's, there cousin's, we ran across them midhunt. Tanya had called Victoria trashy, and I went for her throat. Kate, her sister, had tackled me, and got a glossed over eyed look, but nothing happened. She later explained, once everyone was calm, that she could shock vampires. Eleazar told me I was shield, and that he couldn't get a read me. My scent was also muted, you couldn't quite catch my smell unless you were within a few feet of me. The only other thing I excelled in was fighting, and strength. I seemed to never lose my newborn strength, and I was risen an natural fighter. A few rare times I even had to dispatch a few perverted nomadic assholes. Victoria wasn't the greatest fighter, she never really had to fight. She had someone there for her or ran.

"Shhh. Calm down B. Please, calm down. Your scaring me. So what if they are back? What can they do? Nothing. Garrett will be here soon, and he'll help us keep them away if they are here. Besides, I won't let anyone hurt you honey."

"No. Don't tell Garrett, he doesn't know anything about my past, and I want to keep it that way. Just in case, some how, they'll leave and I won't run into them again." She sighed before I felt her body move, and I assumed she nodded. I had my face pressed into her neck, and I was hugging her tightly.

"What if he_ is _alone though?"

"I couldn't see why he would be." I pulled away from her, kissing her cheek, and walking to the couch.

"Nope, nope, nope! Your not watching _Doctor Who _tonight, you're going out with me! You promised!" I flopped belly first on the purple couch with royal blue polka dots, and clicked on the TV.

"Hey, you may have given me immortality, but it's my choice if I want to be an eternal couch potato or not." She huffed.

"You know, the Doctor isn't going to come for you. You need to get out there girl. New York has a _huge_ population, and that means a _huge_ population of vampires. You at least need to try and date or something. You haven't been with anyone since I turned you. I know you gotta be getting-"

"Victoria go get dressed or so help me I'll behead you." She laughed and flew off to her room. That was Victoria though, mother hen one moment, and trying to pimp me out the next.

"You better be getting ready to. You know it won't be pretty if I have to throw you into the shower, and man handle you!" She screamed out.

"Vick! We got neighbors, stop it. They already think we're lesbians." Her loud laughter cackled over the sound of my precious _Doctor Who_ marathon. I sadly sat up.

"Seriously though. You'll feel better if you can forget about it for a while." She was standing in the hall, in her bra and jeans, holding up two different dresses. "Which would look better?" I eyed the dresses carefully. There were both new, and very expensive looking, the tags still on them. One was black, and covered in metal work around the collar with was cut very low. The other was an pale shimmering green silk dress. It was short, more than likely reaching above the knees a few inches, and the neck was scoop, and had greek sort of straps.

"The green one. "

"It won't make me look Irish will it?"

"No. It's an icy color, it's classy and sexy. The black may be a little to much. Wear your black gladiator heels with it. The one with the silver gems." She grinned, and trotted back to her room, mumbling something about 'for a person who dosen't like fashion'.

"I'm so taking this black one back, if it's to trashy by the way."

"Liking it, and knowing what works are two very different things." I mumbled back. "Yeah you should. I'll go with you." I pushed myself off the couch like a weary old lady, and slowly made my way to my room. I didn't want to go, and I thought if It took me long enough she might take pity, but I had no such luck. Gazing longingly at my bookshelves, and writing desk.

I looked around my room. I had just got it perfect, and I intended to buy this apartment one day. There was so many places in NewYork, so many people, that no one would notice if I stayed here forever. My walls were painted grey, with black trim, and the only other color in the room was the violot accents. The room was on the smaller side, compared to Victoria who got the master, but I liked my room. Surprisingly I hadn't gotten any cleaner as a vampire. Paper bits were littered about, along with shoes, and discarded jeans.

I just couldn't shake the thought that the Cullen's could be here, in my new home, and not knowing for sure or not was killing me. I _needed_ to know.

I opened my sensibly sized closest, and peered inside._ What the hell was I going to wear? _I groaned. "Do I really have to go Vic? I promise I won't stay in, but I don't want to go clubbing. You know you want to go see Garrett, and as soon as you see him you'll be whisked away with him. Or worse, I'll get a free show."

Victoria stood in my door way, absolutely gorgeous with smoky eyes and natural bouncy hair. She was turned at eighteen, like myself, but something about her made her look much older. She could easily pass as late twenties, yet I dare not tell her that. It did nothing to her looks, while she was a foxy woman, I was still an awkward teen. She leaned her head against the frame, a sympathetic smile."I keep forgetting your not me. You'd think I get it by now, my little introvert." She pulled on the black leather jacket in her hands. "What are you going to do? Go to the park or something?" I chewed on my lip.

"Well.. I was thinking of making sure Jasper's alone. Now don't think I'm weird, but I'm good, I'm silent, and you can't smell me. I was thinking of finding him, and following him. "

"Bel-"

"What happens if he spots me? Ask him whats up. I always got the drift that Jasper was different. I'm sure if I asked him not to tell anyone, theres a good chance he wouldn't. If Alice see's, she see's. I just can't not know what the hell is up."

"And-"

"I'm sure I don't need you Victoria. Now go- Find yo man." I winked and pushed her out of the room, shutting the door behind her. I carefully listened to the click of her heels, before I stripped my clothing.

I pulled out my black jeans, tank top, and the most silent soiled boots I owned. Pulling a long-sleeved black thermal over my ninja wear. I turned to the mirror, pulling up my long hair dark hair. It had gotten so much darker with the change, and I couldn't help but be happy about that. My mother had my hair color when she was younger, and as she got older it had gotten more red. I didn't want to be anything like her. My cheek bones, and jaw line were more defined now. But some how I was still angles, a little to skinny in places, and a little to curvy in others. Even my upper lipp had remained smaller than the bottom.

My ruby eyes stared back at me, and for a moment I thought I was crazy. _How could I even be considering this? _ I sighed, head falling on the dressing desk. If I'm really doing this I need to at least look a little bit better. So with the applying of some black eyeliner, and mascara I quickly jumped out of the fire escape. Making quick work of getting on to the roof. Pandemonium wasn't that far from here, and I could easily jump from building to building, and if I had any luck, Jasper would still be there.

The lights of the city were dazzling, taking a moment to simply stare in wonder, before I took off as fast as my legs would take me. Silent, and focused I found my way to the pulsing music that was coming from the popular club. I walked to the edge of the building I had ducked behind, gazing at the spot he had leaned against. It was five minutes into my stake out before I spotted Victoria, and her clicking heels. Then Garrett came out of the club's double steel doors arms wide."Tori!" He called.

"Garrett, bout time you found us." The greeted each other with a hug, and a sloppy kiss on the lips. I was to busy mentally gagging, to realise that the vampire I had waited for was walking out of the doors, and lazily to them. My hole body froze with terror, and mentally scalded myself. Jasper was an empath, but he didn't take any notice to any frightened emotions, or maybe his gift no longer worked on me.

"Babe, this is my old friend Jasper Whitlock." He released her, and turned to bow at Jasper. "The Major, and an extraordinary wing man." I scowled at Garrett.

They met eyes and realization took over both of them. Vicky looked like she was about to bolt, and silently prayed for her to be brave for me. What did he mean by Major? "Well how about that. I've met your girl before." He drawled out. I didn't remember Jasper being southern. My scowl deepened.

"I'm not his." She hissed out. Jasper just shook his head and chuckled. The hat he wore hid his face from me at this awkward angle, but from what I could tell, he was grinning that grin again. His golden hair curled out from under his cowboy hat, and I also took notice he was wearing a pair of rough-looking black cowboy boots.

"How do you to know each other?" Garrett attempted to hide the horror in his voice, most likely terrified they were an item once.

"It was when I was with the Cullen's, her past boyfriend caused quite a ruckus. Long story, and long time ago. I'm not with them anymore hon, no need to be afraid I hold any grudges. As long as you don't?" He seemed so friendly, and kind. But there was something just off about it, like it was forced. A certain tightness to his voice. _Who was I to know his voice?_ I'm loosing my head.

"Good to know. It was actually a relief to have him gone. "

"Where's Ella?" Thank god that man never called me by my real name. Jasper shifted, uneasily, and kept glancing around, as if he had somewhere else to be.

"Busy." She answered, her toned a little clipped.

"That sucks, I was hopping I could introduce Jasper and her." Victoria snorted, and clasped her hand over her mouth to stop her chuckles.

"I really should be going Garrett. I'll see you around. " If Jasper was hurt, he didn't show it, he merely just curtly waved, and cut down the alley. I followed him on the tops of the buildings. Leaving the already making out Victoria and Garrett behind.

Jasper head was down, and his hands were shoved into his pockets. He hummed something I didn't recognize as he went, cutting up and around the building before making it back to the main street. He was walking at a slow, normal human pace, and before long he moved headphones to his ears.

"_I can't escape this hell So many times I've tried But I'm still caged inside Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself._" Sang through his speakers. It was rare to find good rock music now, and this was one of them. I smiled slightly despite my mood. Before he finally got home, we made it through a very excentric listing of music. Including _Aaron Lewis- Country Boy, Nine Inch Nails- Everyday Is Exactly the Same, _and_ Godsmack- Bad Religion_.

The entire time one thing repeating over and over in my mind. _I'm not with them anymore. _

His apartment, well what I thought was going to be an apartment ending up being an building. One of those types of buildings that was converted into large apartments for artists. Bare walls and open spaces, with a grudgy abandoned look on the outside. I could detect only three other residents, and they were on the bottom floor. The building was three stories tall, and my eyes darted about the windows till I could spot which floor Jasper lived in. Finnally I caught him on the top floor, walking past a window casually.

_Did he own the whole top floor?_ I wondered, slightly amazed, forgetting for a moment how rich the Cullens were. _I'm not with them anymore_. What happened? How did he leave his family? Did they leave him? Any sane person would of simply went down, and rang his door. Asking these questions to his face. But no, I had to be crazy. I stayed glued to my spot, stuck between fear of the past returning, and fear of things I wasn't ready to hear again. I had blocked out so much, the only feeling left of Edward was pain. What if he was like him?

So I watched.

I watched as the vampire disappeared for a moment before again walking past one of the windows, this time with a different shirt, and a guitar case in his hand. I some how managed to from more. There was so much I didn't know about this man, and I had learned enough, he wasn't with the Cullen's. I should just leave, just go. Leave the past in the past like I had wanted, but I stood enraptured as he sat in view of the large window. It looked like his living room, and the dark brown leather chair was angled to see the view. I ducked down further, peering over the edge of the building. He carefully took the guitar out of it's case, and held it lovingly in his hands.

He closed his eyes as he strummed lightly on the strings. My hearing seemed to block every other sound out, locking in on the sound. Then he started to sing.

"_Oh why am I the weird guy, __Who always sits alone, Oh why do I care, __No one calls on the goddamn phone_." He chuckled to himself slightly. Reaching to the side of the chair and pulling up a bottle of whiskey. He took a drink and after a curse under his breath began strumming a different tune. "_Ever since you left me my clothes don't seem to fit, The beers are always empty, I've quit trying to quit smoking my cigarettes, Ever since you left, Ever since you walked out my door, The bills keep pilling up, It's not as if I can't afford the money, I have enough, I just given up and I don't care enough."_

I smiled cheekily. I didn't recognize the lyrics at all, they must of been his. He wasn't half bad singer either. _What am are you saying, his voice just about made you turn into a puddle. _I sighed. More of a huff than a sigh as I turned quickly, and ran back home.

**AN: The two songs Jasper sings are LDF and Junkie by 100 Monkeys, fronted by Jackson Rathbone.**


End file.
